No More Hostess with The Mostest

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The rumors are true: Hostess is shutting down.

If, like me, you grew up in the 1970’s, the demise of the Hostess brand should come as a pretty hard blow.

In the great green room of my childhood memories, Wonder Bread looms large. The gummy, bland white loaf took on mythic proportions in our house. It was the only acceptable sandwich vehicle, and it figured prominently in nearly every lunch of my youth.

In honor of all those gooey fluffer-nutters and Miracle-Whip-drenched tuna sandwiches, I’ve composed a little farewell tribute to the junk food of my youth (with apologies to Margaret Wise Brown):

In the great green room, there was

A yellow log, a frosted swirl,

A treasure of sweets and

A little girl

There were three little eclairs sitting on chairs

And two little ring dings and a pair of  ‘zings

And a donette and a crumb cake and a loaf full of mush

And an ingredient list to make doctors blush

Goodnight Twinkies

Goodnight Drake’s

Goodnight processed little cakes

Goodnight Yodels

Gooodnight HoHos

Goodnight to the workers declaring their woes

Goodnight Wonder

Goodnight Bread

Goodnight baked goods that last past we’re dead

Goodnight room

Goodnight swirl

Goodnight memories of that little girl

Goodnight Ding

Goodnight Dong

Looks like your shelf life wasn’t really so long.